The New American Male
by John Norberg, humor columnist s

There is a lot of divisiveness in politics today.

But the most divisive thing in our country is a color: pink. It divides us along gender lines: boys wear blue; girls wear pink.

It wasn't always this way. In the early 20th century boys and girls were both dressed in pink and blue. But somehow, everything changed.

Color-coding does make sense with babies. It's hard to tell whether newborns are boys or girls.

All babies have short hair.

But if you see a blue or pink outfit, you know what they are.

The problem is -- this blue/pink thing carries through life for most men.

Women don't have a problem with it. They wear pink and blue and look great in both. So why not men?

Men don't avoid pink just because women wear it. Women wear black and that certainly doesn't scare men away from wearing dark business suits.

But when was the last time you saw a group of male bankers at a power lunch wearing pink business suits?

This goes beyond clothes. When I go to the store to buy shampoo there are thousands of containers in various shades of pink.

I walk past them all and go straight to a shampoo in a blue container with three letters on it: "Men."

I don't know who manufactures it. I don't know what's in it. I don't know if it smells like lilacs or motor oil.

I just know it's blue. It says "Men." It's for me.

Today, women are even buying their own pink tools. They can never find their husband's tools so buying pink guarantees the guys won't walk off with theirs.

Can you picture a 6-foot 5-inch, 250-pound guy walking onto a construction site with a pink hammer?

Well, maybe if he's 6-5 and 250 pounds he can get away with it. But normal size guys can't.

There are men today who have learned to deal with pink. They wear pink ties and shirts.

They are bold, uninhibited, unbridled by tradition and stereotype. They are confident enough in their masculinity to deal with pink. They are the new American male.

I found my wife searching in our kitchen last week.

Wife: "I brought home several huge bags of pink M&Ms and I can't find them anywhere. Have you seen them?"

What can I say?

You're looking at the new American male.

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