Stuck Again
John Norberg, humor columnist s

Why do homebuilders install kitchen cabinets that are too high for the average women to reach?

I know this is the 21st century and men today have equal responsibilities with women in the kitchen. Unfortunately, while women have moved into the 21st century most men are still hanging out in 20th century and some of us are still stuck in the 1800s.

Boys develop slower than girls: a few months slower when we're children and a few centuries slower when we're adults.

Men generally only go into the kitchen for one reason: to get food. They don't care a whole lot what color the cabinets are, they probably don't even know what kind of counters they have. They only know how much pizza is left over from last night in the refrigerator.

When we have guests over and my wife is busy cooking in the kitchen, I always stay right there with her and do everything I can to basically get in her way. She finally gets aggravated and asks me to please leave so she can finish.

And I'm free to go watch football.

But sometimes she calls me back because she needs something out of the high cabinet.

I am the high cabinet guy in our house. I'm actually not all that high and not that much higher than my wife. But I am responsible for the high cabinet. I put things away in it. And my wife doesn't open it.

Wife: "I need something out of that top cabinet."

Me: "Okay, I'll get it as I find my old football helmet."

Wife: "You know, if you put things away in that cabinet carefully it wouldn't all fall out every time you open it."

Me: "It's good to know you're concerned about things falling on my head."

Wife: "I'm more worried about things falling on the floor. After all these years of marriage I'm pretty confidant your head is so hard it can't be damaged much. "

This is our Lookout Stuff is Going To Fall on Your Head kitchen cabinet.

It is not to be confused with one of our kitchen drawers that is so stuffed with important stuff I need that I can't open it to get the important stuff I need.

The other day I needed a screwdriver.

Me: "This drawer is stuck again."

Wife: "That's because you've put so much stuff in it. Try working it very carefully back and forth and maybe it'll open."

Me: "Do we have any dynamite?"

There is also another drawer in our kitchen for the stuff I find around the house that I don't know what to do with. It's filled with old keys, metal things I can't identify, extra nuts and bolts and things I'm sure I'm going to need but I don't know when or for what.

There are more than 50 ballpoint pens in this drawer and the ink in all of them is dried up.

Wife: "We should get rid of the stuff in that drawer."

Me: "You know as soon as we get rid of it we're going to figure out what that stuff is and we'll need it."

Wife: "We're going to need dried up pens?"

Me: "I can get them working again. I've been reading up on it on the Internet."

Wife: "All the things that need fixing in the house and you're studying how to revive dried up ballpoint bens?"

Me: "I found nearly 50,000 sites. I'm on number 15 right now."

Wife: "You're going to read them all?"

Me: "I believe in being thorough."

I always read all the Internet sites on how to repair things around the house. That's because it takes so long to read them I never actually have to do any of the repairs.

I need to do something about the way I store things around the house.

Thankfully, there are 3.49 million Internet sites to tell me how to proper store things in kitchen cabinets and drawers.

So, I don't think I'm going to have to tackle that job for a long, long time.

John Norberg writes a weekly column for the Journal and Courier. It appears on the Communities page the first Sunday of each month. On subsequent Sundays you can read his column at and Follow John on Facebook and on Twitter, @norbergj.

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