by John Norberg, humor columnist s

I am convinced the day is fast approaching when babies will not be given names at birth.

They will be given user IDs.

Nurse: What a beautiful baby! For the birth certificate and our records, what is her name?

Father: Mary.

Nurse: I'm sorry. That won't work. Her user ID will have to include some combination of six numbers and letters.

Father: OK, make it 1mary23.

Nurse: Well that is pretty easy for a hacker but I supposed it doesn't matter because she will be asked to change her ID every three months for security reasons, anyway. Now, what about a password?"

Father: You mean her last name?

Nurse: We call it a password.

Father: Last name, password, whatever. It's the same as mine.

Nurse: I'm sorry. She'll need her own password. And next, of course, you'll have to give her a PIN number and then she'll be all set to access her life as soon as we get answers to some security questions, like the name of her first dog."

Nurse: I'm going to put you in touch with our customer service representative.

Father: Here in town?

Nurse: No, in a little town in the Himalayan mountains.

If you want to live in this Internet world, you must have a user ID, a password and PIN number. The problem is -- every site you visit wants you to use a different combination of letters and numbers. So we end up having dozens of passwords and IDs.

Customer support: How may I help you.

Me: I'm trying to access to my bank account.

Customer support: Enter your user ID your password, your pin number and then enter the maiden name of your great-great grandfather's oldest aunt on his mother's side and you'll get right in.

Me: I have 30 different passwords and IDs. How about if I just enter them all and you sort it out.

Customer Service: "Actually, I see that you are scheduled to change your ID and password anyway for security reasons to make sure no one else can access your account.;

Actually, I'm not worried.

If I can't figure out my ID and password how is someone else going to figure it out?

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