Let It Snow
by John Norberg, humor columnist s

Everyone wants a piece of the pie these days. Everyone wants their fair share -- until it comes to things like snow.

We've been getting our share of snow lately.

Personally, I'd be glad to share our share with anyone else that wants it. Maybe Minnesota would like some more -- or Wisconsin or Colorado where they seem to like this stuff.

I know a fresh snowfall on the ground is beautiful.

But, admit it. When you turn on the TV Weather Channel and you see them standing in front of the map with all kinds of lines and circles drawn all over it; when you hear them talking about a big winter storm that's brewing, getting ready to dump huge amount of snowfall -- what's the first thing that crosses your mind?

(1) Oh, won't that be pretty; or (2) Oh, I hope it's going to hit someplace else.

When it comes to winter storms, we're heartless in our willingness to wish them on the east coast, the west coast -- any place but here.

My heritage is Scandinavian.

Back in the old country my ancestors faced winters for many centuries inpretty much the same way. When it snowed, they put on snowshoes or skies.

Then they went off to work with no trouble.

But today, we live in a very advanced age. We live in the age of technology and science. So today, when it snows, we get in our computerized cars with anti-lock breaks, anti-skid control, precision steering, and all that digital stuff. And then, we slide off the road into a snow bank and wait for two hours until a tow truck arrives to pull us out.

This what is what we call progress.

Basically, there are only three groups of people who look forward to big snowfalls: Kids who want to get out of school; skiers and snowmobilers; and guys who have a brand new snow blower that they're itching to try out.

Me: "I've got to get out there and start on the driveway."

Wife: "It hasn't even stopped snowing yet."

Me: "Listen! You hear that? The guy across the street is already out

there with his snow blower. Do you want me to be the last guy in the neighbor to get his driveway cleared?"

Wife: "You want to go out and try your new snow blower, don't you?"

Me: "Yes! I've upgraded. Last winter, all the other guys in the

neighborhood had bigger ones and now I want to go out and show them what my new one can do."

Wife: "So clearing the drive has now become competitive?"

Me: "The rules are simple. The guy with the most power wins."

I had no trouble clearing our drive with my big, new snow blower. But, a lot of other guys in the neighborhood upgraded this year, too. There's more power out there this winter than I have ever seen before. Competition is getting tougher!

Me: "You know, maybe we should get something to replace my car -- something that's a little better in the snow."

Wife: "Are you thinking of an SUV?"

Me: "I was thinking more along the lines of one of those Department of Transportation highway snowplows."

Come the next winter storm, I'd be the envy of the neighborhood!

Copyright © Federated Publications