Grandparents are Grand
John Norberg, humor columnist s

Getting older is not easy. But there is one joy in aging.


As we get older we go to bed at 8:30 unless there's something really good on the History Channel and we can't eat some of the foods we used to love, like pepperoni and onion pizza.

But we do get joy out of our grandchildren and trying to one-up our friends about who has the most.

First grandpa: "I've got six lovely grandchildren."

Second grandpa: "Oh yeah. We'll I've got eight and number nine is on the way."

First grandpa: "I've to talk with my children about this."

My wife and I are grandparents four times over.

Being a grandparent is pretty special. That's why they call it "grand."

They don't call us not "pretty good" parents, "old" parents, or "senior" parents. We're "grand" parents and do you know what "grand" means?


It also means "large," but I won't go into that.

Of course, if grandparents are magnificent, that also means grandchildren are magnificent. And most grandparents would agree with that.

As magnificent as it is to be a magnificent parent, we have to face the facts that we don't have the energy we had years ago.

That's why grandparenting has its privileges.

To help grandparents in this magnificent time of life, I'm working on a grandparent handbook. It will set down in black and white, once and for all, all the grandparent requirements.

It call it: Rules and Regulations Regarding the State of Grandparentcy and Other Forms of Magnificence.

Here is some of my advice from the Grandparent Rulebook. Just don't use any replacement referees to mess up the calls.

Grandparents do not have to attend sporting events of their grandchildren in the rain, sleet, and snow or in temperatures below 32 degrees. Parents do. But grandparents don't.

Been there, done that.

Grandparents are not required to help with math and science homework.

This is not for the good of the grandparents. It's for the good of the grandchildren. Most science was not even known yet when I was their age. Most history hadn't happened yet when I was their age.

Grandparents are required to attend birthday parties for all their grandchildren and participate in excessive cake eating. I find this one pretty easy.

Grandparents are required to tell their grandchildren stories about the mischief their parents got into at their age. Exaggeration is encouraged.

Grandparents are not required to get the grass and dirt stains out of the grandkids' baseball pants. They are permitted to complain that their children don't do as good a job washing uniforms as they did in their day.

When visiting, grandparents are not required to wait up until teenagers get home. Grandparents have enough trouble staying awake until teenagers go out.

Grandparents are not required to sit at their grandchildren's summer baseball games in 100-degree heat getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. They are allowed to embarrass their children and grandchildren by attending covered with mosquito netting and their feet in buckets of cold water.

Grandparents are not required to be dieticians and make sure grandchildren are eating correctly.

Grandparents are for spoiling.

In the Great Food Pyramid of Life parents are the peas. Grandparents are the ice cream.

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