Cabin Fever
John Norberg, humor columnist s

When a big winter storm is coming the first thing most people want to do is get home and hunker down until it's over.

Not me.

My first instinct is to get out of town and head to Florida before the blizzard hits. I don't want to hunker down in my home. I want to hunker down in the home of a friend or relative in Miami.

Those of us who live up north imagine that all our friends who have retired and moved south spend their winter days playing golf and tennis, lounging by the pool, driving around in convertibles.

Actually they spend all their time inside watching the Weather Channel so they can enjoy how much everyone back home up north is suffering. There's nothing as much fun as watching TV video of people in a blizzard when it's 85 degrees and sunny outside your place.

Because of the snow and cold just about everything closed in our area early last week including Purdue where I used to work.

Me: "Did you see this? They've closed Purdue. We have a snow day tomorrow. No work!"

Wife: "You're retired. You don't get a snow day. You already have the day off."

Me: "But that ruins it. What's the fun of having a snow day if you already have the day off. I'm going to unretire so I can have a special free day off like everyone else."

Wife: "So you're going back to work?"

Me: "No. I'll retire again as soon as the snow days are finished."

When word gets out that a storm is coming everyone heads to the grocery store to buy milk, butter, bread, and eggs.

I also rush to the store to stock up on what I need to get me through the storm: a couple cartloads of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

It's important that you have a schedule when you have a snow day. Set your alarm. It's a good idea to even set your alarm a little earlier than normal.

Then when it rings, turn it off, roll over and go back to sleep. There is no better feeling in the world than going back to sleep instead of getting up to go to work.

Here are some other things to do when you have a snow day:

Get a calendar out and count the number of days until spring.

Go on the Internet and figure out if you have more cold and snow than Alaska.

Place a chair at the largest window in your house, sit there and watch for the snowplows to arrive.

Play Monopoly (you will probably not have time to finish unless you're snowed in until spring).

Call your neighbor, tell him your snow blower is broken and see if he'll offer to do your driveway.

Call all your friends in town and say "Is it cold enough for ya yet?"

Pray for the furnace.

Pray for the water pipes.

Pray for the electricity to stay on.

Pray that no one else in the family finds the Christmas candy you have hidden in the back of a kitchen cupboard.

When it comes right down to it, there are few things as wonderful as snow days. I remember when I was a kid and blizzards hit.

Mom: "You can stay in bed. They canceled school today. It's way too cold outside and there's too much snow."

Me: "I'm not going back to sleep. I'm going out to play with my friends."

Mom: "But it's too cold and snowy. That's why they canceled school."

This is the thing you have to know about snow days.

Just because it's too cold for school and work doesn't mean it's too cold have some fun.

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