Are We Ready Yet?
by John Norberg, humor columnist s

My wife and I were at a large family gathering this summer. When it Came time to say goodbye, I hugged all the relatives.

It took so long to say goodbye, by the time I finished it was almosttime to get together again.

Finally, I told my wife I was ready to go. She said, "Great. Just let me say goodbye to everyone first."

By the time we both finished all our goodbyes, a few more children Had been born into the family.

I believe when large families have summer get-togethers they should Skip the hellos and go straight to the goodbyes so that everyone can get homebefore the snow flies.

Actually, I think married people have trouble leaving anywhere together.

Not long ago on a Saturday night my wife and I decided to go out to an early movie. It was getting late when I finally found her outside, dressed to go, but working in the yard.

Me: "What are you doing?"

Wife: "I'm pulling some weeds. I came out to the car and was ready to go, but I saw that you were paying bills so I came out here to weed until you were ready."

Me: "Wait a minute. I was ready. The only reason I started paying bills is because you were changing clothes."

Wife: "I wasn't changing clothes. I was ready to go. I only went upstairs to get a sweater and I just did that because you were talking on your cell phone."

Me: "You don't seem to understand. I was ready to go, but when I saw youemptying the dishwasher I decided to go ahead and make a telephone call."

Wife: "I only emptied the dishwasher because I saw that you were writing an e-mail on the computer."

Me: "I was on the computer because I saw you ironing."

Wife: "I was walking out to the car when I saw you watching TV so I decided to get some ironing done until you were ready to go."

Me: "I was ready first. I was just watching TV while you finished watering the indoor plants."

Wife: "I believe I was ready first. I was just watering because I thought you weren't ready when I saw you shining your shoes."

Me: "I could have painted the whole house during the time I've been ready, waiting for you to go."

Wife: "Well, that would have given me a chance to finish my weeding."

We missed the early showing of the movie but decided there was still time to get to the next show. So, we held hands and walked into the car together to make sure there would be nothing else to divert us.

Finally, we were on our way.

About a mile from home I darted onto a side street to turn the car around.

Me: "We have to go back."

Wife: "Now what?"

Me: "I can't remember if I turned off the coffee pot. I think I left it on. I've got to go back and check."

Wife: "You know, that makes me think. I might have left the iron plugged in."

Me: "While you checking the iron I might see if I got an answer to my e-mail yet."

Wife: "Okay. If you're doing that, I think I'll do some weeding in the garden."

It's a good thing we love being home together on weekends.

The only way we'll ever get someplace on Saturday night is if we start trying to leave on Tuesday.

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