Drive-Thru with a Family
by John Norberg, humor columnist s

Life is too complicated. There are too many choices.

The other day we had our three grandchildren in the car and pulled into the drivethru of a combination Mexican-Pizza fast food restaurant.

As grandparents we were inexperienced at this and totally unprepared. At the point where you place your orders there must have been 10 panels of menu options. I panicked.

Granddad: "Let's keep this simple. We'll all get the same thing. (ordering into the voice box) We'll have five personal cheese pizzas."

Granddaughter: "I don't want a pizza."

Granddad: "Okay, look over the menu and see what you want. Have you decided?"

Granddaughter: "Let's see . . . No, no, no, no, no . . ."

Granddad: "Hurry. Your brothers are falling asleep, waiting. There's a line of cars waiting and the man behind us is starting to wave at me."

Granddaughter: "Wave back at him."

Granddad: "Grandma won't let me do that wave. Just make a choice."

Granddaughter: "No, I don't want that, no, no, no . . ."


Granddad: "They have four taco dinners. Which one do you want?"

Granddaughter: "I just want three tacos, with sour cream and no tomatoes."

Granddad (ordering): "She'll have three tacos, with tomatoes and no sour cream."

Granddaughter: "No, I said no tomatoes and with sour cream."

Voicebox: "Hard shell or soft?"

Granddaughter: "Wait, I want to change my order."

Somebody screamed in exasperation. It might have been me.


Grandson: "Granddad, that guy behind us is getting out of his car."

Granddad: "Okay, everybody, roll up the windows and lock the doors, I'm moving up to the pay window."

Order taker: "That will be $15.95."

Granddad: "We haven't ordered drinks. We'll have one root beer, three Cokes, two Diet Cokes."

Order taker: "We only have Pepsi. And we have five sizes. What size do you want?"


Granddad: "I'll take anything. Just get us out of here alive."

Grandma: "Why did you order me a diet soda. Give it back. I want water."

Granddaughter: "Do they have burritos?"

Order taker: "Sir, if you will take your order exactly as we now have it packaged our manager has agreed to not call the police to have you removed from the property."

We found a quiet place to eat in the parking lot.

Grandma: "We just spent 45 minutes ordering fast food!"

Granddad: "Wow! Unbelievable."

Granddaughter" "Anybody want to go back for dessert?"

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