Chivalry is not dead
by John Norberg, humor columnist s

We live in complicated times. Men and women today find it hard to understand their roles, what they are supposed to do. It was much more simple in times of old like the Medieval period when the Knights of the Round Table ruled and chivalry was the code of the day.

In those days men understood they were on earth to serve the honor of women. And all a woman had to do was ask and her knight in shinning armor would gladly go forth and smite dragons for her.

Could this kind of approach work in dealing with the things we need to do in our 21st century ? like getting a husband to fix things around the house?

Wife: "Oh sir, prey thee dear husband. Forsooth! I needeth thee. Our Keurig perfect-every-time single-cup coffee maker doth offend my honor. It ceaseth to drip. Wouldst thou have thy wife depart in the morrow without caffeine? I am a damsel in distress and I needeth ye to save me from this tribulation. Smite the evil spirits that possess our Keurig and send them hence so my life can return to the bliss I have so enjoyed with ye; so we can again caress as true lovers as we depart in the morrow fully awake instead of lingering in the throws of despair and caffeine-deprived sleep."

Me: "Fear not fair lady for I am sworn to protect thee and defend thy honor above all the other important things I have to do, such as nap and watch ESPN. I will smite the demon in the coffee maker ere my name not be Sir John of the Cheesecake."

If Lancelot can be Sir Lancelot of the Lake, I can be Sir John of the Cheesecake.

I put on my white armor (a t-shirt), grabbed my sword (a Phillips screw driver) and attacked the possessed Keurig. I started by reading the Internet instructions for solving this particular problem. They were surprisingly good.

Step One: Read all 55,286 words of the instructions fully. When finished scream to relieve stress.

Step Two: Go to the hardware store to purchase new tools necessary for this repair.

Step Three: Go to hospital for emergency medical care for deep cut on right hand.

Step Four: Go to store. Buy an identical new Kuerig.

Step Five: Go to your wife. Tell her you have fixed the coffee maker.

Wife: "My knight in shining armor has saved me once again. Let me wrap my arms around thee and express my eternal thanks. And whilst we are so embraced, yon paint on the front porch of our house also greatly offendeth the neighbors and me. Please smite the ugly paint and make our porch looketh like new again."

First it's fix the Keurig. Then it's paint the porch. What's next??

I believe in chivalry. It has its place.

And I think it was in Medieval times when all a knight had to do was slay dragons.

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