Memories
By John Norberg, Humorist s

I'm getting older and you know what that means. You know what's the first thing to go.

The memory.

The nice thing about losing my memory is that I keep forgetting that Im losing it.

I'm not making light of serious memory loss that is a horrible disease and has impacted my family.

I'm talking about the 10-minute memory stuff that hits men of my age.

Ten minutes after taking my pills in the morning I can't remember if I've taken them.

Ten minutes after my wife asks me to do something I've forgotten everything she said.

I walk into the kitchen and can't remember why I'm there so I get out snacks and spent the next 10 minutes eating. No sense putting being in the kitchen to waste.

I forget where I put my car keys, I forget where my cell phone is, and I forget to exercise. That last one might be intentional.

Wife: "Did you remember to stop at the cleaners and get our clothes."

Me: "Was I supposed to do that? I don't remember you asking me to do that."

Wife: "How many yards has Peyton Manning thrown for this season."

Me: "Before Sunday he had thrown for 2,134 yards and 22 touchdowns."

Wife: "So why can you remember that and you can't remember to pick up the laundry."

Me: "What did you say?"

Whenever I know I'm in a losing discussion with my wife I pretend I can't hear her. Hearing is the second thing to go.

My wife says I have selective hearing loss. The only things I can't hear are the things I don't want to hear. She also says I have selective memory loss. The only things I can't remember are the things I don't want to remember.

But I don't remember ever forgetting the things I don't want to remember.

The biggest problem I have is remembering all the passwords and IDs we need to know in the computer age. Some of them require eight characters, or 10 or more than 12. Some require capital letters, lower case and things like "&*(."

Wife: "Why don't you keep a list of all your passwords for your various accounts like I do."

Me: "I want to do that but I can never remember to do it."

Wife: "Well then, use things that you can't forget. For instance use significant numbers in your life."

Me: "You mean like 1-26-86."

Wife: "What was that?"

Me: "You dont' remember? That was the day the Bears won Super Bowl XX, 46-10 against the Patriots. The Bears had 408 yards of offense and the Patriots only had 123."

Wife: "And you can't remember to pick up the laundry."

Me: "I remember things that are important."

Wife: "And the total offense for the Bears in Super Bowl XX is more important to you than the coat your wife needs this week when the temperature is getting cold?"

Me: "I'm sorry. I can't hear you."

This gets worse. The other day I needed to get online to our bank account and I could not remember our password.

Me: "What's the password for our bank account?"

Wife: "Don't you remember? I intentionally used something I knew you would never forget. It's my birthday."

Well that's great.

Now I've got two problems. The first problem is still how to get into our bank account online.

The second problem is how to get into her purse so I can check her birth date on her driver's license without being caught.

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Copyright@John Norberg