Family Bulletin Board
John Norberg, humor columnist s

I would imagine that refrigerator companies spend millions of dollars on the design and color of their appliances.

They make them to match any possible kitchen paint and any possible kitchen cabinet. They make them in many different colors and with a steel finish. They make them with doors that are side by side and with the freezer at the top and bottom.

They invest incredible human talent, time and money to make these appliances look beautiful.

And it's all a waste of human talent, time and money because once a refrigerator enters a home no one ever really sees it again.

Salesman: "How do you like this one? This is top of the line. Look at this incredible finish and we can get you this in any color you can imagine. It's gorgeous. If I were single I would marry this refrigerator.

Woman Customer: "I don't know. It's so hard to tell how a refrigerator will look in my kitchen when it's sitting here in the display room. Do you mind if I do something?"

She opens a box.

Salesman: "What are you doing?"

Customer: "I'm hanging my kids' photos and school work all over the refrigerator to get an idea how it will look in my home. I think I'm going to need to look at something a lot bigger."

Refrigerators have dual purposes. They keep food frozen and fresh and they are showcases for the family. We announce the great things that happen in our family and our great photos on Facebook and the refrigerator for all to see.

Mother: "How was school today?"

Son: "Okay."

Mother: "Do you have any papers that are refrigerator worthy?"

Kid: "Mom!!!"

Mother: "Don't give me that. Do you have any ĎA' homework assignments I can put on the refrigerator? How about some artwork? Have you drawn anything in art class lately that is refrigerator worthy?"

Kid: "Mom the refrigerator is so full of stuff already if you put anything else up there the weight of it all will pull the doors off."

Mother: "I'm just proud of you. And when our friends and relatives come over I want them to see the refrigerator worthy schoolwork you are doing. Do you have some things in your backpack that the teacher put a gold star on? Has anyone from school written a letter home telling me what a nice well-behaved boy you are?"

Kid: "Mom, I'm a senior in college."

Mother: "And you think you're too old to go on my refrigerator? You know, you're not the only one in this family whose work gets the refrigerator treatment. How about you honey. Did you bring something home for the refrigerator?"

Husband: "You know I do all my work on a computer."

Wife: "Well, let me have your laptop and I'll hang what you did right at the top of the fridge next to that nice performance review you got eight years ago."

Husband: "Do you have to keep that performance review on the refrigerator? It's embarrassing."

Wife: "As soon as you get a new performance review that's refrigerator worthy I'll take the old one down and put the new one up."

Sometimes I wonder how refrigerators became kitchen show panels.

My wife: "What are you doing?"

Me: "I got a new magnet from the insurance company so I'm hanging up this drawing by one of the kids."

Wife: "That drawing was done 30 years ago. It's turned yellow with age."

Me: "That reminds me to tell you about some celery I forgot in the bottom fridge drawer."

Wife: "Just because we get a new magnet doesn't mean we have to hang something else on the refrigerator. What are you going to do when you get magnets from the accountant, the lawn company, the bank."

Me: "I have those magnets right here. And I've found some things to hang. By the way, you have a photo of one of your relatives being held up by our Norwegian flag magnet."

Wife: "What's wrong with that?"

Me: "Your family is not Norwegian. Things that are refrigerator worthy have to be put up magnet appropriate. So the Norwegian flag magnet goes with a photo of my Norwegian mother, the Purdue magnet goes with the photo of our grandson who's a student there and so on."

Wife: "Good idea. I know what I'm going to use for your photo. The magnet that holds your to-do jobs list."

Actually that jobs list is the biggest thing hanging on the refrigerator.

We live in a marvelous age.

It's hard to image what life would be like without a refrigerator.

We'd have no idea what was going on in a family

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